For the longest time I had been trapped in this body not knowing how to escape. It was like being in a cell where I could see the world going on around me, but couldn’t quite reach it. For the past couple of months I have really been working on breaking free from the cell and rejoining society. My therapist saw the motivation and the light within me so she challenged me to start working on freeing myself. The biggest part of my freedom was to learn how to “feel my feelings” and to give myself permission to express them. I can tell you that this was no easy task for me. I had been so used to pushing my emotions down, not releasing them, and that was literally killing me. Believe me, when I say, that it is a lot easier to not feel anything, but that just leads to a disconnect from the world around you. I guess I never realized that while numbing myself from feeling the “negative” feelings I was also numbing myself from the “positive” ones.
Not feeling may seem to help in the moment, but the long term effects may be devastating. To feel numb numb, not only effects your feelings, but also effects anything else going on in the world. When I try to numb myself from feeling my emotions I am also numbing myself from the world. It’s during this time that I notice I tend to isolate more. Even though it sometimes hurts to express my emotions at least I am still part of the world. So if giving myself permission to cry, or throw a temper tantrum, allows me to interact with society than it’s totally worth it.